ARRRRR You Sleepy?

I recently discovered that Duane Reade sells eye patches in the same section as sleep masks and ear plugs. There is something inherently wrong with this. Sleep masks and eye patches have two completely separate purposes. People who have a missing eye don't use an eye patch to cover the good one so they can sleep soundly during the middle of the day. They use it to cover their gaping, empty eye sockets! Okay, maybe that's taking it a bit far - I'm sure most of the people who require eye patches still have an eyeball but it's scratched or leaking fluids or in some way dysfunctional. Eye patches should be sold in the first aid section of the pharmacy along with bandages and rubbing alcohol.

Speaking of retards, I think that people should not speak unless spoken to. I also think people should not layer gray tights, rainbow Juicy Couture knee socks and black knee-high boots. Yes, you know whom I’m talking about. Let’s just call her “Strawbery Barf”. As in, did you SEE Strawberry Barf this morning? It looks like she got raped by an Eskimo’s cowboy-brother’s Saint Bernard. Oh that was yesterday but you get the drift.

Also, leggings are not pants.