Goats n Stuff

Dear Kickmeup,
Remember that time last night when we went to see a movie and it was TWO AND A HALF HOURS long? And remember how there were a lot of Japanese vag shots and dentist molestations and musical interludes where NOTHING HAPPENED in slow motion? And do you remember how we both had to pee really badly and we were all like “hey, movie, tell me what’s in the letter so we can go to the bathroom,” and the movie was like “get back in your seats, bitches, you may never know and I’m gonna make you sit there for 20 more minutes before you figure it out”? Yeah, exactly.

I’m disturbed by this whole never-ending movie trend. A movie should be no longer than 1 hour and 45 minutes. First of all I get hungry after that long because I’ve finished my popcorn 1 hour and 45 minutes ago. Second of all, there is no story in the world that can hold my attention for 2 whole hours. Third of all, my butt starts to hurt.
Back in the day when I was a young tike, movies were like 1 hour and 30 minutes long. All of them were that long. They barely ever went on for longer. And, you know what? They were good movies!! Take Big, for example, which in 1 hour and 30 minutes managed to fit in an entire storyline and they even made time for dancing the chopsticks on a giant keyboard. Movies these days are longer but they’re not even better! Why would you make them longer but not better? It doesn’t make sense; I am confused and distraught and I cannot understand who’s idea it was to charge me 11 dollars to be uncomfortable and only mildly entertained for almost 3 hours. I could watch SIX different TV shows during that time and consume at least 8 servings of rice and beans. Opportunity cost people!! If you want me to continue to give you my hard earned money and valuable time, you’d better make it worth more than 6 TV shows and rice and beans. And in my world, that is pretty damn expensive.

In conclusion, I will see you all in line for Borat. Bringing my own snacks.

PS. That cat has nothing to do with goats or movies but it's cute and makes me want to snuggle.