What I learned about Brooklyn
Having started my new job in fabulous downtown Brooklyn, I thought I would be overwhelmed by the glory that is never leaving the borough. That’s right. I now work 15 minutes from home. If I weren’t OCD about going to the gym in the morning I could actually sleep until 8am and STILL get to work on time! Glorious! Pure glory. But alas, my joy has been soured.
Firstly, taking the bus is not all it’s cracked up to be (although the bus driver may be more cracked up than you’d like them to be). On my first trip, the driver forgot to let someone off until they started screaming (“like a crazy person” is implied here, as I was on the bus – home of all crazies). On my ride home the driver first closed the door on me when I was entering and THEN forgot to let me off at my stop! What the hell people! I think we now know why they haven’t been promoted to train conductor. The city can’t handle all of the severed limbs lawsuits. Despite my bad luck yesterday, I decided to go for the bus again this morning. Wouldn’t you know it? I was at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by! I gave up. Back to the train I go. Screw you bus and your crazies! At least the train runs on some sort of schedule (yeah, it does, didn’t you know that?) and sometimes you get to hear an accordion!
Then there’s the gym. I was very happy with my BK NYSC experience yesterday. Millions of machines, no one there, only one anorexic girl in sight (you can’t win ‘em all). Then there was the shower experience. It’s a mere trickle. Seriously, my hair could be washed easier by lying underneath the man dripping with sweat on the treadmill next to me. Um, yeah. Not my idea of a good time (usually) either way. So then I go this morning, try to put my towel on the thing and accidentally bump this woman. So sorry lady! Didn’t know I was entering your dance space. Whatever. No one’s tough once you see them naked. And did I ever…moving on! I guess the good news is that most of the people at this gym are pretty out of shape, making me feel like a friggin’ marathoner or something. Oh wait. I am a marathoner.
So then there’s the salad issue. I have a very specific salad intake requirement. It basically means that I need about 1 lb of lettuce, an entire tomato, corn, cucumber, bell peppers, croutons and balsamic vinegar (and then I add my own avocado). Basically it’s a salad that won’t fit in anything smaller than a gallon ice cream bucket. Mmmm. It’s a delicate formula. None of these Brooklyn dives can make me a salad. This brings a great sadness to my heart and now I will be taking matters into my own making-too-much-money-to-make-my-own-salads hands. Where’s my pity?
Ok, I’m done wasting time now I can go home…hopefully the bus won’t run me over…
Firstly, taking the bus is not all it’s cracked up to be (although the bus driver may be more cracked up than you’d like them to be). On my first trip, the driver forgot to let someone off until they started screaming (“like a crazy person” is implied here, as I was on the bus – home of all crazies). On my ride home the driver first closed the door on me when I was entering and THEN forgot to let me off at my stop! What the hell people! I think we now know why they haven’t been promoted to train conductor. The city can’t handle all of the severed limbs lawsuits. Despite my bad luck yesterday, I decided to go for the bus again this morning. Wouldn’t you know it? I was at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by! I gave up. Back to the train I go. Screw you bus and your crazies! At least the train runs on some sort of schedule (yeah, it does, didn’t you know that?) and sometimes you get to hear an accordion!
Then there’s the gym. I was very happy with my BK NYSC experience yesterday. Millions of machines, no one there, only one anorexic girl in sight (you can’t win ‘em all). Then there was the shower experience. It’s a mere trickle. Seriously, my hair could be washed easier by lying underneath the man dripping with sweat on the treadmill next to me. Um, yeah. Not my idea of a good time (usually) either way. So then I go this morning, try to put my towel on the thing and accidentally bump this woman. So sorry lady! Didn’t know I was entering your dance space. Whatever. No one’s tough once you see them naked. And did I ever…moving on! I guess the good news is that most of the people at this gym are pretty out of shape, making me feel like a friggin’ marathoner or something. Oh wait. I am a marathoner.
So then there’s the salad issue. I have a very specific salad intake requirement. It basically means that I need about 1 lb of lettuce, an entire tomato, corn, cucumber, bell peppers, croutons and balsamic vinegar (and then I add my own avocado). Basically it’s a salad that won’t fit in anything smaller than a gallon ice cream bucket. Mmmm. It’s a delicate formula. None of these Brooklyn dives can make me a salad. This brings a great sadness to my heart and now I will be taking matters into my own making-too-much-money-to-make-my-own-salads hands. Where’s my pity?
Ok, I’m done wasting time now I can go home…hopefully the bus won’t run me over…
posted by kickmeup at 5:25 PM
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